10 Signs You Might be a Perimenopausal Woman…

A humorous look at getting older

By Charmin Foth ImageCaption: Perimenopause? What!?! Doc says, “Don’t worry, it only lasts 10 years or so!!!”                         Photo: Microsoft Images
 
  1. You can no longer remember the names for persons, places or things; everything becomes a whatcha-dittle, thing-a-ma-bob, or a whozy-whats-it, and you expect people to know what you are talking about.
  2. You want to nap at 4 in the afternoon, but are wide awake at 4 in the morning.
  3. You spend hours in the cosmetic aisle, looking for something that is unmeltable and sweatproof.
  4. You have an overwhelming urge to punch cute, cuddly couples in the face.
  5. Your bladder wakes you up about every 3 hours and every morning at least an hour before the alarm clock goes off.
  6. You cut up all your gym clothes to make a quilt that “wicks away moisture.”
  7. You mix your wrinkle cream with Clearasil.
  8. People who talk or breathe irritate you.
  9. You gain/lose/gain the same 10 pounds at least 50 times.
  10. You wake up at 3 am in a puddle of sweat and stick your head in the freezer to cool off only to wake at 6 am in a puddle of melted icecream with a lump on the back of your head from the freezer door.

Men, if you have a lady in your life exhibiting these symptoms, you may want run and hide, or for the brave of heart – arm yourself with chocolate, just don’t get too close!

Remember these are only a few of the warning signs, ladies, you know there are more lurking in the shadows.

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A Goat in a Coat

a goat in a coat

A true tale of life on the Farm

By Charmin Foth

On a blustery winter morn
a wee baby goat was born

The new mama stepped away
leaving baby in the hay
but so cold was the storm
it wouldn’t keep wee baby goat warm

In the early morning light
Farmer Foth saw the wee goat’s plight
He rushed to her side
and prayed he could turn the tide
to warm the wee goat’s little hide.

Afraid and so cold
she didn’t need to be told
the farmer was there to soothe
even though she could barely move

Carefully now

Farmer Foth bowed
and placed the wee goat
into his warm red coat

All through the day
as the farmer made hay
the wee little goat
stayed in the warm red coat.

Next to Farmer Foth’s chest
did wee goat rest
starting to warm
but still not to the norm
Farmer Foth kept the wee goat close
she needed to get as warm as toast

So on errands Farmer Foth ran
to places where even goats were banned
To the butcher, the baker
and the candlestick maker

Lastly to the pharmacy he went
keeping the wee goat in his arm bent
hidden in warm red coat
no one knew about the goat

As workers looked on
they thought something was wrong
it caused some alarm,
was Farmer Foth there to do harm?

The farmer only grinned
knowing he had not sinned
he said, “do not fear
I only have a wee baby goat in here”

The workers couldn’t see
the wee goat’s glee
at being so warm
away from the farm

But as Farmer Foth unzipped
and the wee goat tipped
her little head
out of her warm makeshift warm bed

“Neeehhhhh,” she said,
“put me back to bed!”
And the workers all sighed
as Farmer Foth tried
to explain how a wee baby goat
ended up in his coat.

Among the ooohs
and the ahhhs
the wee baby goat
snuggled back in the warm red coat.

The moral of the story:
Be careful where you tote a goat.

tote a goat
This is the true story of my husband Andy and a goat he saved by keeping it warm all day in his coat. Excuse my attempt at poetry, but this story just begged to be written in a “Seussical” fashion.
Photos rendered in Photoshop by Charmin Foth
Reposted from 2013.

Get to know Art Mearns of the Grande Event Center

 

Learn more about The Grande Event Center’s business development guy, Art Mearns. He offers exceptional service for events both large and small. Spectacular venues from weddings and receptions to small business meetings, catering, decorating and over the top service, you owe it to yourself to check out what the Grande Event Center has to offer. 5441 Clinton Hwy, Knoxville, TN 37912, phone (865) 243-3100 or visit their website at http://www.knoxgrande.com

The Grande Event Center – Free Parking for Events – Large or Small

The Grande Event Center offers exceptional service for events both large and small. It also offers FREE parking on-site. No walking blocks in the rain, easy loading and unloading and wonderful customer service. Spectacular venues from weddings and receptions to small business meetings, catering, decorating and over the top service, you owe it to yourself to check out what the Grande Event Center has to offer. 5441 Clinton Hwy, Knoxville, TN 37912, Phone (865) 243-3100 or visit their website at http://www.knoxgrande.com

The Grande Event Center – Exceptional Service

The Grande Event Center offers exceptional service for events both large and small. Spectacular venues from weddings and receptions to small business meetings, catering, decorating and over the top service, you owe it to yourself to check out what the Grande Event Center has to offer. 5441 Clinton Hwy, Knoxville, TN 37912. Phone (865) 243-3100 or visit their website at http://www.knoxgrande.com

Getting to Know The Grande Event Center – Then and Now

The Grande Event Center and the Knoxville Expo Center work hand in hand to create events from small scale to large. Both companies offer exceptional service for events both large and small. The Knoxville Expo Center is a multi-purpose facility that has served Knoxville and East Tennessee since 2000 as a primary destination for consumer shows, trade shows and public events such as the Gun and Knife Show and the Flea Market. Now with the addition of the Grande Event Center Knoxville has a spectacular venue for weddings and receptions, small business meetings. They offer catering, decorating and over the top customer service, you owe it to yourself to check out what the Grande Event Center has to offer. Located at 5441 Clinton Hwy, Knoxville, TN 37912, call (865) 243-3100 or visit their website at http://www.knoxgrande.com.

Volunteer Ministry Center – Minvilla Manor

The Volunteer Ministry Center (VMC) was established in 1987 and offers specialized services to the homeless and those within our community who are in crisis. VMC’s programs support its two-fold mission of facilitating permanent supportive housing for those who are homeless and providing services to prevent homelessness. In this interview, we learn about VMC’s Minvilla Manor and how the chronically homeless can get into housing. For more information about VMC and their programs visit http://www.vmcinc.org. This video was produced by Charmin Foth and the North Knoxville Business & Professional Association. If you would like information on the NKBPA visit http://www.northknoxvillebpa.org