A humorous look at getting olderBy Charmin Foth Caption: Perimenopause? What!?! Doc says, “Don’t worry, it only lasts 10 years or so!!!” Photo: Microsoft Images
- You can no longer remember the names for persons, places or things; everything becomes a whatcha-dittle, thing-a-ma-bob, or a whozy-whats-it, and you expect people to know what you are talking about.
- You want to nap at 4 in the afternoon, but are wide awake at 4 in the morning.
- You spend hours in the cosmetic aisle, looking for something that is unmeltable and sweatproof.
- You have an overwhelming urge to punch cute, cuddly couples in the face.
- Your bladder wakes you up about every 3 hours and every morning at least an hour before the alarm clock goes off.
- You cut up all your gym clothes to make a quilt that “wicks away moisture.”
- You mix your wrinkle cream with Clearasil.
- People who talk or breathe irritate you.
- You gain/lose/gain the same 10 pounds at least 50 times.
- You wake up at 3 am in a puddle of sweat and stick your head in the freezer to cool off only to wake at 6 am in a puddle of melted icecream with a lump on the back of your head from the freezer door.
Men, if you have a lady in your life exhibiting these symptoms, you may want run and hide, or for the brave of heart – arm yourself with chocolate, just don’t get too close!
Remember these are only a few of the warning signs, ladies, you know there are more lurking in the shadows.